Do You Still Trust your Children?

Attention Parents and Caregivers

I understand when many of you say that you trust your children 100% because you believe that you've given them the best moral education and in most cases, you've you've'threatened' or ‘bullied’ them into behaving the way you want to but I want you to pause and have a rethink.

Have you thought of:

· what they are capable of doing in your absence?

· the type of things that interests them outside what they show you or make you believe?

· changing your style of monitoring and time so you are no longer predictable?

· the possibility of being outsmarted by them?

· how much you don’t know but think you know about them?

· the fact that you've been aiding your child's maladaptive behaviour by ignoring the warning

signs?

· the possibility of being a victim of the things you read or watch about other children and

their parents?

It is good to trust your children but it won't also a bad idea to sometimes doubt them for no reason just so you could see their other sides. Always let the 'what if' mindset guide you into making occasional adjustments so you can view things from another perspective.

It is important for you to know that technology,(the internet) and the environment, etc are influencing the choices, lifestyle and behaviour of children. They want to explore, be independent and take uncalculated risks because, they now view morality or doing the right thing as being old fashion leading to the rise in moral decadence.

There are many reported cases that should prompt you as a parent or caregiver to seriously reconsider your present stance on trusting your children. Many of them are no longer the 'sweet' 'innocent' 'upright' children you thought you are raising.

This explains why many parents suffer all forms of physical and mental problems when they discover what their innocent and trusted child is doing or capable of doing.

Case in Point

Let's review a few cases to help us have a better insight.

The pregnant teen

A woman in her late 40s recently discovered that her trusted 15-year-old teenager is pregnant with another teen boy's child. This may not be new but the woman considered it new because she trusted her daughter so much having instilled high moral standards in her (or so she thought) until she informed her that she was 4 months pregnant and tried all she could to abort it but couldn't. The woman was in the hospital for over a month for many health reasons resulting from the shock of hearing that her once-innocent daughter was pregnant. This heartbroken mother said she felt like she had lost a child and blames herself for it.

Expelled for hard drugs

Another case of interest is the man who fainted when he was informed of his only son's expulsion from a private university for using hard drugs. The news devasted him because he was a strict father who monitored all his children's (1 boy and 2 girls) activities and had no reason to doubt them (or so he thought) because they were all well-behaved around him.

He didn't see any reason to bother or probe what happens when they are not around him. He trusted them enough to allow them to visit their so-called classmates and engage in other activities until he was informed that the boy had been doing hard drugs since he was in secondary school.

Hostel to Hotel

Did you see the recent report on how some secondary school students aged 14-17 in a unity school in Lagos have been sneaking out of their hostels to enjoy intimate moments in a hotel? Did their parents see any signs? Did they trust them before the incident? Is the blame game on at the moment? How did the school miss this till now? Many unanswered questions in need of urgent answers.

Food for thought

The big question for everyone is, would you like to be in a similar situation?

Trusting your teens is the right thing to do but with all that is happening, there is a need for you as a parent or caregiver to trust with caution and do all you can to ensure that your children are safe.

Try These:

· Don’t ignore any warning sign.

· When in doubt, probe more.

· Never fall for their innocent looks, tears or promises

· confirm when you need to and don’t permit any suspicious activity if you are not convinced.

· Plan and make unscheduled visits to their schools, friends' places or anywhere they claim to

have gone to.

· Don’t be predictable. Change your plan or approach to doing things so they are unable to

predict your next line of action.

· Their gadgets should not be spared when probing.

Apply any other strategy that works for you but ensure that you check on your children.

Remember

Don't make false accusations or treat the children like criminals in a bid to get more information from them.

Seek professional help if you discover anything and don't physically or verbally abuse any child when you make certain unpleasant discoveries. counselling or therapy is recommended.

keep the children safe always